I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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