My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
