in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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