Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Every concussion has its silver lining
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
