you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
