Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
