I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
