I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
