Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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