i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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