she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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