if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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