I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
