And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
