Can Purell be used as lube?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
