can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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