Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
