my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
