how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
