Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
