it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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