She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Pants are for mortals
I supernannyed him into submission
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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