I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
