I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
