i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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