I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
