I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize