He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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