I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize