if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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