Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
