i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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