Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
