eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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