I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
