I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
