i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
