you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
