The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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