Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
