True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
COCAINE IS GR8
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
