Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
