I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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