Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
