Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
where am i from again
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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