and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
