I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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