I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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