I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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