it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
