After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize