So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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