I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
