bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
