Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
