my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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