Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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