I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
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so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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