Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
