omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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