Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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