BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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