but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
