I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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