I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
