Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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