I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
