remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
