ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we made out on top of his cat.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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