He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
