maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
