nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't deserve a penis
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
