I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
