Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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