I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
