You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
