There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
