First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
