i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
